new beginnings {are sometimes unexpected}

posted in: musings | 0

Well, I’ve joined the ranks of the unemployed.

I was laid off two days ago. Honestly, I cried when they told me. I was at my job for five years. I loved the company I worked for. I loved the people what I worked with. It was a great place. They were great people. They saw me go through so many tumultuous and huge events in my life. Moving (three times!). Divorce. Meeting my new love. Having a baby. When you really think about it, when you work full time you’re spending more time with your coworkers than your own family. You get to know people and about their lives, especially when you work for a small company like I did. Knowing that I’m not going to see those people every day feels strange and empty

The thing was, my job itself…there were parts that I loved, and parts that I found  frustrating. The parts that I loved were enough to keep me coming back day after day, in hopes that those parts would eventually expand, and become a larger part of my responsibilities. I guess it was wishful thinking, because that never quite got all the way off the ground. It wasn’t that it was a bad job at all. It just wasn’t on the path that was going to get me where I want to be with my career in five or ten years. In my heart I guess I knew that, but like I said, there were enough good things about my work environment that I overlooked it, because if we like surround ourselves with people we like being around every day, we can consider ourselves fortunate. How many people work in horrible, oppressive places, surrounded by other people who they can’t stand? I was lucky.

What’s strange about this whole thing, is that I feel okay.

After the initial panick of my first job loss as an adult with kids and bills and responsibilities, and a lot of tears on the drive home, I started to feel an odd sense of calm. That maybe it was time. Maybe it was meant to be. I thought about it, and if this had to happen, it happened at as good of a time as it could have. Financially, enough things have aligned that I don’t need to be in full-on panic mode. I don’t need to grab the first crappy job that comes along just to secure a paycheck. I’ve had this nagging feeling for weeks, months, even years that there’s something I’m meant to be doing. Something a little more in line with my strengths and talents. Something that will lay a strong foundation to support my dreams five and ten and even twenty years down the road.

I feel strangely optimistic. I don’t want to complain, because it’s better than feeling sad and depressed, but it’s such an unexpected emotion. All I know, is that I’m looking forward to new paths and new opportunities.

Thanks for everything, old job. Here’s to new beginnings.